


Accelerando

by BeeAnka



Series: Sing Me A Song Of Despair [2]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: F/F, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-21
Updated: 2017-10-21
Packaged: 2019-01-21 01:02:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12445968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeeAnka/pseuds/BeeAnka
Summary: Having realized she has a crush on Sayaka, Mukuro attempts to strengthen their friendship, but is also forced to consider Junko's thoughts on the matter.





	Accelerando

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe it's only been a week. I feel like I've been writing this for a month! I enjoy it a lot though, like, I wouldn't be able not to write this whole thing even if I got no kudos at all! That said, I got more kudos on this rarepair than I've expected, so thanks everyone! I appreciate it!

* * *

 

Mukuro blinks stupidly at the piece of paper on her desk.

'your looking tired, everything ok?'

She glances at Naegi, then back to the piece of paper. It doesn't seem like him to write her a note. At most he'd ask her that during break, followed by her ignoring the question. She doesn't feel like writing back, so she hopes the stare she's sending his way accurately depicts her confusion.

He motions to the left with his right hand, and she spots Sayaka winking at her.

Mukuro fights down a smile, but she feels so much heat across her face that it seems impossible she wouldn't resemble a tomato right now. Yes, on second thought that neat, pink handwriting doesn't seem like it'd be Naegi's, though to be fair it's not like she's ever paid any attention to that kind of thing. She turns the note around, hoping the intensity of her look won't make it burst into flames.

She hasn't slept yesterday just like she predicted, but she neither wants to worry Sayaka nor lie to her. And besides, she shouldn't be the only one getting teased all the time. Since she'd probably need extensive preparation to do so verbally, doing it per writing seems like a good opportunity. Friends tease each other, right? And they're friends now, right? So she writes.

'*you're'

She passes it to Naegi, who is too nice to make a fuss and passes it further. It's a blessing there are only people like Naegi, Fujisaki, and Asahina sitting between Sayaka and her. Ishimaru would report it to the teacher, Ludenberg and Togami would probably push it off their desks with a no doubt carefully calculated amount of disdain, and Kirigiri might just look at the thing so blankly that it would give up and throw itself off her desk on its own.

When Sayaka gets the note, Mukuro makes her lips curl up slightly so she at least looks as close to smiling as she possibly can without actually doing it. It morphes into a genuine smile at the playful glare shot her way. Sayaka gives Mukuro a challenging look, then raises her glittery pink pen in a ridiculously over the top manner. There's a small moment of doubt; maybe her friend is actually annoyed at the correction even if she realizes it's a joke. Maybe she's annoyed at the blatant way her question was avoided.

Mukuro dismisses her stupid thoughts, disgusted with her lack of faith in her friend. Sayaka would have a right to be annoyed at both things obviously, but she should know by now that's not what Sayaka is like.

Suddenly, Mukuro feels a wave of shame crashing over her. She really shouldn't act like she knows Sayaka so well after talking to her for only two hours. Yes, true, it was two breathtakingly amazing hours... but still. A feeling of determination surges through her now though -- she's definitely going to learn enough about Sayaka to be able to predict her actions with more certainty in the future.

The note lands on her desk again, courtesy of a smiling and apparently very patient Naegi.

'YOUR so funny mukuro-san! i didnt know you were the ultimate comedian. im expecting a lot of jokes in my room later today. dont think ive forgotten my question btw! im worried, ok?'

She should have known her instinct was correct -- Sayaka is just too kind to her. She's just about to write when she hears someone very distinctly clearing their throat. Mukuro's eyes travel up to see an unamused teacher looking back at her. "The note, please." He says.

She looks down at the note. This isn't like one of those moments where the teacher reads it out loud, is it? Even if it isn't, the teacher will probably recognize Sayaka's handwriting. She absolutely can't allow Sayaka to get into trouble, so there's only one option.

Mukuro stuffs the note in her mouth and swallows it. The teacher's eyes go wide.

"Dude, holy fuck." Kuwata says somewhere behind her, before bursting into laughter.

 

-

 

"The note, you-" Sayaka breaks off to laugh hysterically again. "I can't believe-" She laughs. "His _face_ -" She laughs.

"It's not that funny." Mukuro mutters. She might appreciate the whole thing more if she didn't have detention later. It's annoying, she's been one of the few students with a perfect record until now. That's probably why Ishimaru's been looking at her like she is Brutus and he is Julius Caesar. Maybe the teacher's face was kind of funny, but it's not worth detention. And more importantly, not being able to speak to Sayaka in her room. She waits until the laughter stops.

"I'm sorry," she says. "You invited me to your room, Sayaka-san. It seems we have to postpone that."

Sayaka finally starts putting her things in her schoolbag, having neglected that in favor of laughing so far. "That's fine. It's just an hour! Or do you have something to do after detention?"

"No!" Mukuro says, then realizes she's sounding way too eager. Embarrassing. "No," she says again more calmly. "That works for me. I'm just worried that I'm wasting too much of your time."

Sayaka giggles. "You're sweet, Mukuro-san. I'm always doing homework in the evening, so I'll just do it earlier today while waiting for you. No time wasted!"

She's so kind and understanding. Mukuro will never get tired of hearing her name come past those soft, pink lips either... wait, she shouldn't be staring right now. Taking her eyes away from Sayaka's lips, she looks into her eyes instead. Not that those aren't just as beautiful as the idol's lips -- a nice, deep blue. Compared to that, her own steel gray eyes are boring and dull... oh no, she's _still_ staring without saying anything! "I'm sorry for messing up your schedule." Mukuro says hastily, before she makes things even more awkward.

"It's not really a schedule, I'm just irresponsible. Oh geez, keep that to yourself!" Sayaka chirps, winking at her. Mukuro isn't sure whether it's a joke or not, but Sayaka doesn't seem irresponsible. Then again, a lot of people who are usually responsible are less so when it comes to school. "Besides, it's kind of my fault. I'm the one who started writing notes."

"The note wasn't the problem," Mukuro protests. "I was being careless with it and didn't think about the teacher seeing." It's unlike her, really. There's something about Sayaka that seems to turn some of her brain cells off. "I liked writing notes." A part of her feels like she just admitted to a shameful secret.

"I'm glad! I was almost worried I'd annoy you, but couldn't help myself."

"You didn't annoy me. It was fun." Mukuro isn't sure if that's the right word for it. 'Exciting' might be more accurate, but she'd rather become Ishimaru's permanent study partner than make herself look so stupid in front of her only friend by saying that.

Sayaka stuffs her last book into her schoolbag and gets up, trademark bright smile on her face. "If passing notes is that much fun, I wonder how much fun you'll have later tomorrow."

Mukuro feels her heartbeat increase. Is it just her inexperience in subjects such as these or does Sayaka sound like she's flirting with her? No, either she is deluding herself right now or it's just how Sayaka acts like naturally. It'd make sense for her to sound like that, being the Ultimate Idol and all she has to appeal to her fans or something, and she's already said similiar things yesterday that were definitely just supposed to be teasing. "Yesterday was fun." Mukuro manages to say, hoping she isn't mumbling. "I'm sure today will be too."

Sayaka tilts her head. "It was 'fun', huh? Is that it?" Before Mukuro can backtrack, Sayaka adds: "Just kidding!"

Somehow, Mukuro manages to force her lips into a smile. Or possibly an ugly grimace, she isn't quite sure. "Maybe you're the Ultimate Comedian after all." She says, hoping she sounds calm and not as if she has just considered jumping out of the nearby window.

"Don't think you're getting off that easy! I was serious about wanting to hear those jokes from you!" Sayaka's eyes move upwards and to the left where the clock is. "You'd better hurry, Mukuro-san. If you're late for detention, they might give you another one!"

"Yes, you're right. See you later then, Sayaka-san."

"Bye bye!"

For some reason saying goodbye to Sayaka makes her feel depressed, even though they'll see each other in just a little more than an hour. Talking to Sayaka for five more minutes might have been worth another detention.

As Mukuro walks down the school hallway, she wonders when she's become such a ridiculously sappy person, and why it doesn't bother her.

 

-

 

"Wow, fancy that! The responsible older sister got detention!"

Mukuro takes a bit longer to get over her shock than she's supposed to. "Junko-chan? I didn't know you had detention too."

Junko leans back on her chair -- a bit too much for Mukuro's comfort, and she rushes to her sister's side and steadies it. Junko rolls her eyes. "That shithead Ishimaru reported me to a teacher for not dressing like a prude. Hardly the first time."

"He asked me to talk to you yesterday." Mukuro hopes Junko is in one of her more uncaring moods. "I forgot to tell you. I'm sorry."

Junko scoffs. "Oh please, like I'd have given a shit." She cocks her head and looks up to Mukuro, a frown adorning her features. "But it's unlike you to forget something like that, sis."

"I'm sorry," Mukuro says weakly. "I was nervous about talking to Sayaka-san, but it turns out that was unnecessary. It won't happen again."

"Huh? 'Sayaka-san' already? My big sis sure works fast."

Mukuro tends to find her sister's carnivorous grins unsettling. This is no exception. "Well," she begins, not sure how to adress that comment. "I suppose... some people get along fast. Your advice definitely helped. Thank you, Junko-chan." She's sure her crush won't stay hidden for long, and might have never been hidden from Junko to begin with, yet she doesn't want to tell her when the teacher could come in any moment. Her sister would be annoyed at the interruption, turn moody, and make the whole thing harder than it might be otherwise later.

"Hmm." Junko pretends to think that over. Then, she says: "Does Sayaka-chan know you're, like, totally gay for her?"

Mukuro almost lets go of her sister's chair. Is she really that pathetically obvious about it? Stupid, useless Mukuro. "I don't know." She mumbles after a slight moment of hesitation, not willing to lie to Junko or capable of playing it off in any other way that's not dishonest.

Junko rocks her chair forward, its legs slamming on the floor loudly. "Weeeeell," she intertwines her hands and puts them behind her strawberry blonde hair, sighing. "I think unrequited love's kinda lame when it comes to despair, but that's just a personal opinion. So, y'know, go nuts if you wanna!"

Mukuro blinks. "Thank you...?" She isn't quite sure whether Junko is trying to support her or not. "Wait. Did you say gay?"

"Yeah?" Junko looks at her like she's being stupid, which she probably is. "You're a girl. She's a girl. Gay. What, did your head get hurt too many times when you were shooting babies or whatever you did with your boring killer for hire friends?! Did you just forget some words?!"

"I just haven't thought about it like that." Mukuro realizes she is still gripping Junko's chair and lets go of it. "Do you think I'm gay?"

"Geez, Mukuro-chan! I know you can't think independently to save your life, but don't you think that's something you should figure out on your own?"

Mukuro considers that. She supposes in all her excitement since yesterday, she hasn't bothered to think about what it means to be a girl who loves another girl. "Does it really matter?" She asks, despite knowing that it does.

"Of fucking course it does! If you're a girl who's into a guy, the worst that's probably gonna happen is he rejects you and calls you ugly or some shit. If you're a girl who's into another girl, the worst that can happen is she thinks you're a dirty, nasty, and smelly degenerate and sets out to ruin your life. And, like, _I_ wanna know too." Junko suddenly has a smile on her face despite her annoyed tone. "Y'know, unrequited love is pretty good despair when it's gay now that I think about it. It's straight unrequited love that's fucking boring."

Mukuro shifts uncomfortably. "I don't know what being gay means though. Can you tell me anything about it?"

Junko shrugs. "Hell if I know. I've never had any trouble with that shit. You gotta figure it out yourself. Guys are okay sometimes, but girls are where it's really at." She grins. "So glad you could join me here, Mukuro-chan!"

"You- huh?" Mukuro can barely process what she's hearing. "Have you had many girlfriends? I've never noticed anything like that..."

"Girlfriends?!" Junko laughs. "It's just going out to have some fun. Sometimes I kiss them when I feel like it, but that's it."

Mukuro frowns. How come she's never heard of that? And wouldn't there be a scandal if anyone knew the Ultimate Fashionista went on dates with girls? She doesn't know a whole lot about homophobia or anything, but that much is obvious. Maybe Junko just wants to feel the despair that comes with taking the risk of being publickly outed? More importantly...

Pressing her lips into a thin line, Mukuro asks: "Did they treat you right?" She hopes it doesn't sound condescending from her. Junko can take care of herself and gets annoyed at that kind of thing very quickly, but she can't stop herself from expressing concern.

Judging from Junko's grin still being on her face, she seems to find the question more funny than anything else. "And if they didn't you're gonna pay them a visit and scare them, yeah?" She suddenly looks nervous. "And if one of them hurt me?"

Without hesitation and knowing fully well it's feigned nervousness, Mukuro replies: "I will kill her."

Junko cackles. "I wonder what Sayaka-chan would say if she heard you say that."

Mukuro bites down on her lower lip. It's not like it hasn't occured to her yet, and she's well aware that Sayaka would hate her if she knew her real self... yet while Mukuro does feel a measure of guilt about it, she's unable to compromise on this subject. Sayaka is the first friend she's ever had and means a lot to her, but Junko is her baby sister. There's no way she can put anything above Junko -- nothing and no one is even close to being as important. "Sayaka-san," she begins. "She wouldn't understand. I don't think anyone would."

How much Junko and her have been through together, how much she owes her baby sister. Someone like Sayaka would never understand what despair means to Junko, and by extension to Mukuro herself. Sayaka wouldn't understand what made the two of them into the people they are today. Wouldn't understand Mukuro's devotion to her sister. It's not like she's blaming her friend for any of that, but-

"Hey sis, you're spacing out!" Junko stretches and yawns theatrically. "I can see you're trying really hard not to think about how much Sayaka-chan would despise you. You can go back to your fantasy land where you and her get married or some shit. So is it Maizono Mukuro or Ikusaba Sayaka?"

"Junko-chan!" Mukuro blurts out, scandalized.

"I'm just kidding! There's no way Sayaka-chan would accept a tacky-ass name like Ikusaba. But Maizono Mukuro sounds kinda silly, doesn't it? You could try combining them. Do you like Maikusaba or Ikuzono better?"

"Junko-chan!" Mukuro warns, even though they both know there are absolutely no consequences to ignoring said warning. She glances to the classroom door anxiously, and is relieved to see no one has come in yet. After a small pause, she mutters: "Ikuzono."

"Same! Maybe there's still _hope_ for you." Junko says. She sounds cheerful, but Mukuro has known her long enough to recognize that undercurrent of irritation in her voice. "Now all you need are some clothes that aren't black, gray, or brown." The undercurrent is gone now. Mukuro leaps at the opportunity.

"Maybe we could go shopping this weekend?" Junko looks at her with dispassionate amusement, so she quickly adds: "If- I mean if you don't have anything better to do. If you think my clothes are ugly, I would like to buy some new ones." She doesn't like shopping, but Junko does. Well, it's more like she considers it less boring than most other things. And the two of them haven't spent much time together lately...

"Awww. You wanna spend time with your cute little sister, huh? Sure!"

Mukuro is pleasantly surprised. Despite her sister being in a better mood than usually, she didn't think Junko would agree to it. Mukuro smiles. "Thank you, Junko-chan. I will do my best not to bore-"

"Let's invite Sayaka-chan too!" Junko cuts her off, grinning widely. "You get to hang out with your beloved little sister and your beloved Sayaka-chan at the same time. What's more, I'll be there to distract her from your dullness. Am I the perfect little sister or what?"

The words make sense in theory, but Mukuro isn't far from breaking out into a cold sweat. "Um... you don't- that's not-" she stumbles over her words clumsily. "You- you don't have to invite Sayaka-san for my sake." It's an unbearable thought. Trying on clothes for Junko is bad enough, rare as it is, and doing it for Sayaka too? Both at the same time? It sounds like a nightmare. Although with Junko there, why would Sayaka even bother looking at her to begin with? She'd just be like a ghost between those two.

"You don't like the idea? That's a shame." Junko sighs, shrugging. "Guess I'll tell Sayaka-chan that you didn't want to."

"Wha- you've already asked her?"

Junko's looks at her with big, innocent eyes that are anything but innocent. "Of course not, Mukuro-chan. You're the one who just brought it up! I just wanted to bring the idea up later to her to see if she'd like it. If she does like it, I'll have to tell her the bad news."

"I didn't say no, Junko-chan." Mukuro quickly assures, trying not to think how Sayaka would react to that. "It's just..." She tries to smile, though it feels like a shaky one. "I would ruin it for you two, wouldn't I? By being awkward and quiet... I really wouldn't want to ruin your day."

"It was your idea, though! Oh, I see!" Junko's eyes light up as if she's just made an important discovery. "You're worried that after just one social activity with someone else, she'll figure out that you're a lame ass loser! Don't worry, sis! With me there, she won't even notice you!"

"If you put it like that..." It sounds even worse to Mukuro than it did before. "H-How can I refuse?" It's meant as an agreement, yet her traitorous voice makes it come out as if she genuinely asked for a way to refuse.

Junko either doesn't notice or care, probably the latter. "Then just leave the details to me! I'm sure it'll be an unforgettable day!"

That's precisely what worries Mukuro. But once Junko is set on something, it's impossible to talk her out of it. Whenever Mukuro foolishly attempts to do so... well, she'd rather not think about that. Her hesitation alone could have easily landed her in trouble just now. It's fortunate that Junko seems to be in a great mood.

Mukuro rubs her arm. "Alright, Junko-chan. You know I'm always free for you."

Junko makes a dismissive gesture with her left hand. "Not like you ever have anything planned anyway."

Well, Mukuro does go to the shooting range sometimes, but she always does that when she feels like it and never exactly plans it. "You're right. I was just saying."

"Anyway," Junko's voice drops to barely above a whisper. "I want you to dig up some dirt on some of the staff. I'll give you the details later, you know the drill."

Mukuro is always taken aback by how quickly Junko's mood can change, but still manages to nod right away. She hasn't let Junko down yet when it comes to spying, and she isn't going to start anytime soon.

Just then, the door opens and a teacher who looks incredibly bored walks in. Mukuro nods at her sister and walks over to her seat. She feels the urge to chastise the man for being so late, but obviously doesn't.

Detention is boring, even with something to look forward to. And when Mukuro has nothing to do she can't help but think about things.

It's unlike Junko to be supportive like this. She shows her love for Mukuro by being unsupportive, to make her experience despair, but that's not what she's been doing this past day. It's almost like she wants Sayaka and her to be friends, but why? Is it because she thinks Mukuro will ruin it, and thus experience more despair than she would if Junko did it herself? Or... maybe that's why she wants Sayaka to go shopping with them? To humiliate her in front of the idol, in public no less, to increase the despair factor? Or... or... or... there are so many possibilities.

Mukuro feels sick with dread and guilt. She knows Junko is showing her love in her own unique way and there's no way she wants to reject that love, but... but maybe. Maybe she could try explaining that she isn't as advanced in despair as her little sister? That losing Sayaka as a friend wouldn't fill her with a twisted form of joy like it would Junko? As much as she can't stop it from hurting her sometimes -- yet feeling extreme guilt when it does -- she's fine with the insults and the hitting. That's an amount of despair she can handle. Her friendship with Sayaka, epecially so soon after she has just obtained it though? Isn't it enough to feel the slow, creeping despair that comes with knowing they will be friends for only a year, maybe two? That she will have to betray her friend eventually?

And for a brief moment...

A very brief one...

Mukuro thinks. Thinks about asking Junko-

No.

She wants to hit herself for even daring to think such a thing. There's no way she could- _would_ ever request something like that. It's unbelievably selfish of her. Stupid, useless, disappointing Mukuro. After all, she's the only one who comes even close to understanding her sister -- she's sure that Junko knows that even if she doesn't show it often. And to betray that for the sake of her own selfish, impulsive desires? It's unforgivable. Self-loathing spreads like fire through Mukuro's entire body, making her feel like she is burning alive. Just having a traitorous thought like that counts as betraying Junko, doesn't it? She has to make it up to her sister somehow.

The thought of admitting it to Junko terrifies her to the core, but it probably can't be helped.

However.

What if Junko forces her to stop being friends with Sayaka because of it?

If she does, Mukuro has to obey. There's no question about it.

... She doesn't want to. She wants to spend more time with Sayaka. She wants to feel more.

But she can't betray Junko.

Is it really a betrayal? It's not like not knowing about that insignificant thought would matter, right?

That's not the point though. Not telling Junko means betraying her trust, no matter how insignificant it might seem.

Mukuro faintly notices that beads of sweat are running down her forehead. She feels like she's suffocating, and only barely refrains from taking a deep breath. She closes her eyes and breathes slowly, exhaling her panicky thoughts one by one. At times like these she's glad she has so much discipline over her body.

She will tell Junko... after talking to Sayaka. Just one last time, should Junko order her to end their friendship. Even that much is very selfish of her, but she can't help it. The thought of never speaking to Sayaka again like yesterday stings too much.

All she wants is a little more time.

 

-

 

Standing now in front of Sayaka's door, Mukuro has the urge to run back to her room and hide under the bed sheets.

Doubts have been making their way into her mind near the end of detention, and by now they're threatening to overwhelm all her resolve from earlier. In fact, she has been so absorbed in them that she didn't notice Junko leaving. The teacher even had to snap her out of it.

She wants to talk to her friend, of course she does. But it's occured to her that this situation might be unfair to her. If this really is the last time they spoke to each other, wouldn't it be selfish to waste her time? Mukuro already feels like she does anyway, because surely the Ultimate Idol has better things to do than talk to someone as dull as her. Even if they did form that connection... and even if Sayaka seemed to have had a lot of fun talking to her. Has she really, though? Or did Mukuro just see what she desperately wanted to see?

It's not just Sayaka either, it's Junko too. Would her sister understand why she needed one more conversation or-

The door she's been staring at for the past minute opens and reveals Sayaka. "Mukuro-san! Were you just about to knock?" She asks, smiling sheepishly. "I was wondering where you've been."

Mukuro is trained to expect ambushes of course, but having her innermost thoughts interrupted in such a manner by her crush is something else. "Ah... yes. I'm sorry, I was absorbed in thought" At least she didn't jump though, so the training has definitely paid off.

"Come in, come in." Sayaka ushers her into the room and closes the door. "Did you bring the juice this time like you said?"

"Juice? I was supposed to bring some?" Mukuro asks stupidly, barely able to believe that she's already messed up ten seconds in.

"Just kidding!" Sayaka chirps to her relief. "Here you go!" She passes the can to Mukuro, who promptly drops it.

Mortified, Mukuro picks it up off the ground. "I'm sorry." She mumbles, ears burning.

"No worries. It's not carbonated, so it won't foam over." Sayaka, bless her, ignores all the awkwardness like usually and carries on: "Did you know that Celes-san is allowed to make tea in her room? I should ask her how she got permission."

While opening the can, Mukuro tries to make a joke. "Maybe she won it at poker." Sayaka giggles despite how bad the joke is, and somehow Mukuro feels a smile on her face too. She cracks the can open and takes a sip. They both sit down.

"Do you like it? It's cherry flavored." Sayaka drinks from her can as well, closing her eyes.

"It's good." Mukuro says. She tries her best not to stare too much -- even the simple act of drinking juice looks incredibly cute when it's Sayaka doing it. Junko was right yesterday, she really _is_ hopeless.

"Is it better than the one I got you yesterday? I'm asking, 'cause I wanna find out what you like most! I take my friends' juice preferences very seriously."

Mukuro isn't sure if that's a joke, but answers seriously anyway. "I like this one more. Orange juice isn't bad, but cherry is better."

"Then I'm slowly improving already! Hey Mukuro-san, did you know?" Sayaka leans slightly forward, smiling like she's about to tell her a secret. "My lip balm is cherry flavored too. Do you want some of it?"

Mukuro opens her mouth, but all she feels is her heart thumping in her throat. "Um." She must have misheard or misunderstood that. "Could you repeat that?"

Sayaka is still smiling, almost looking like it's become wider, and holds up a red lip balm stick. "I asked if you want some?"

Oh, just a misunderstanding. Or a joke. Doesn't matter. Mukuro's heart calms down a little. "Thank you for the offer, but I'm not really the type to wear that." She manages to make that come out like she hasn't just almost fallen out of her seat, at least.

Sayaka nods like she expected that answer. "Yeah, I figured! Still, you're wearing a small amount of make-up sometimes. I wanted to be sure!"

"You noticed that?" Mukuro asks.

"I did say I've been intrigued with you, haven't I?" Sayaka counters. Mukuro already knows that Sayaka has supposedly been intrigued with her -- whatever that means -- but the thought of the other girl looking at her enough to notice something like that makes her heartbeat speed up again. "You don't seem like you'd wear make-up, so I was curious as to why."

"Ah, that's..." Mukuro smiles uneasily. "Junko-chan likes to put make-up on me or paint my nails when she's bored sometimes." It's rather unpleasant and she always has to suppress the urge to wash it off afterwards. It just feels like an insult to Junko after her sister has spent time applying it to her, so she bears with it despite feeling ridiculous wearing that stuff.

"Maybe I could try that too once in a while!" Sayaka suggests.

"Sure. If you want." To say that Mukuro doesn't think much of the idea would be an understatement, but she doesn't want to make her friend upset.

Sayaka tilts her head, smile gone from her face. "You don't want to?"

"Um." Mukuro tries another uneasy smile. "It's fine if you want to."

"I'm asking if _you_ want to, Mukuro-san."

Sayaka is asking for the truth, not giving Mukuro any leeway with her ambiguous answers, meaning she should probably give her a sincere answer. "I'm sure it would look nice even on me if you did it, Sayaka-san," Mukuro mumbles. "I'm just not the type to wear that stuff."

"Hey now, that's totally fine! I'd never want to make you do anything you don't wanna do." Sayaka quickly assures her. She frowns. "I've always kinda thought you looked uncomfortable when wearing make-up actually, but I couldn't figure out why you'd wear it if you did feel that way."

"I just don't want Junko-chan to feel like she's wasted her time." Sayaka is probably going to make fun of her for that, isn't she?

Despite Mukuro's expecation, Sayaka smiles. "You're an amazing big sister, Mukuro-san," she says, her voice emitting warmth. "But I'm sure Junko-chan wouldn't want you to feel bad, right? So even if you don't want to refuse the make-up, I think it's okay to wash it off afterwards."

"Maybe you're right." Sayaka may be wrong, but Mukuro appreciates the way she's trying to make her feel better. Uncomfortable with all the focus on her though, she changes the subject to the idol. "Do you like wearing make-up, Sayaka-san?"

"That's a more complicated question than you might think! Let's see..." Whenever Sayaka seems to concentrate on something, her eyes look slightly upwards as if staring at something high on the wall opposite of her. Mukuro thinks it's kind of cute, but then again she appears to think so about most things the idol does. "Okay, maybe it's not that complicated." Sayaka admits. "Sometimes I like it, sometimes I hate it. I like that it makes me look nice, I hate spending so much time in front of a mirror every day. Oh, and I hate that I'm practically required to wear it."

It makes sense that idols are pressured to always wear make-up, yes. Mukuro feels a little swept up in Sayaka's indignation. "Being forced into that sounds annoying. Do you want me to shoot your manager?"

Hearing Sayaka laugh so loudly does a lot to improve her own mood. She's half-serious about her offer, really. "No, that's okay. I wouldn't want you to waste a bullet on that guy." Sayaka says, then laughs again at her own joke, something Mukuro finds oddly charming. She's grinning herself now. "Y-You're horrible, Mukuro-san! You even roped me into making bad jokes."

"I'm the Ultimate Comedian. I can't tell bad jokes." Mukuro feels confident enough to tease.

"I'm revoking your title!" Sayaka counters. "From now on you're the Ultimate Clown!"

"I won't let you put a red nose on me." Mukuro warns, silently wondering if someone with that talent might exist somewhere. Well, there's a lot of strange talents at Hope's Peak Academy, so a clown wouldn't be that odd. She still doubts Junko's claims that the Ultimate Clown is attending school here though.

Sayaka continues playing along. "Can I throw a pie in your face?"

"You can try, but I would dodge it."

"The Ultimate Clown would never avoid a pie in the face." Sayaka says in mock-indignation. "I'm revoking that title too."

"I would probably scare small children rather than amuse them. It might be for the better." Sayaka giggles at that, apparently thinking it's another joke. Mukuro doesn't correct her. It feels nice to have such a carefree conversation -- she's all but forgotten about her earlier worries. With that in mind... "Hey, Sayaka-san. If I may ask," she hesitates a little, wondering if it's alright to ask something like that, yet her desire to know more about her friend prevails. "What's your favorite color?"

"You looked super serious for a second, Mukuro-san. I was almost worried!" Did she really look that serious? All she thought of was when they were swapping notes earlier today, her shame at realizing she hasn't gathered nearly enough information on her friend yet. "It's pink!" Sayaka answers. "What's yours?"

Pink should have been the obvious answer, but it's always best to make sure. She thinks back to yesterday night when she looked up Sayaka's idol group. The thought of wearing those colors herself is horrifying to say the least. However, on Sayaka it looks incredible. Her face had burned up while looking at those pictures so much she needed to wash it with cold water afterwards. "Pink fits you. It's black for me." Mukuro says. Or brown, or gray. Preferably something dark where dried blood stains aren't that noticeable. She doesn't really have a favorite color. Black seems like a safe, if dull, option.

"Can't go wrong with black!" Sayaka seems to agree. "You know, I've always wanted to wear a cool, black get-up on stage. And sing something creepy! Like, gothic lolita style! I feel like I'm always singing the same stuff over and over!"

Mukuro doubts that manager would allow such a thing. Sayaka obviously knows that though, which is why pointing it out would be annoying and tactless. "That would be interesting to see. I can't really judge your usual material though, since I've only heard them and never saw the videos." She's reminded of her verbal faux pas regarding Sayaka's music yesterday and feels guilty again. "And I've mostly heard them as background noise too, so I probably judged them without thinking too much anyway."

Sayaka pouts. "Geez, I've already told you that not liking my songs is fine."

That's not _exactly_ what was said, but this is a bad time to nitpick. "I know. Since we're friends now though, I feel I owe it to you." Mukuro says, wondering if that sounds cheesy or stupid, but it feels right.

"You don't owe me anything like that, Mukuro-san!" Sayaka disagrees rather vehemently, though then she smiles slightly. "I probably can't talk you out of it, can I?"

"I'm sorry if it seems like I'm not respecting your wishes, Sayaka-san," Mukuro mumbles. "I just really want to give your music a chance."

"It can't be helped." Sayaka sighs, but she small smile that's still on her face betrays her. She picks up her bag and puts it on her lap, then pulls out a modern looking walkman and some headphones, both purple. "If you have to listen to it, I'll only accept it if you use these. They're high-quality!" She explains with an air of self-importance that seems odd coming from her. Mukuro kind of likes it, though. Taking both from her friend's hands, she tries to put the headphones on, yet Sayaka all but yells: "No! Not now!" Taken aback, Mukuro slowly lowers the headphones again. "Sorry for yelling, Mukuro-san. Just... please listen to that later."

Is Sayaka being shy? It's kind of adorable. "I don't mind." Mukuro says. She holds up the walkman and headphones. "Is it alright for me to take these to my room though?"

"I don't mind! Just give them back to me tomorrow." Sayaka gets a sly look on her face. "If you like my songs enough, maybe I'll even let you keep both!"

"They're pretty nice. If I don't like your music, I might lie so I can keep them." Mukuro teases. Since Sayaka is being so cute, it comes surprisingly easy to her.

Sayaka gapes at her in feigned outrage. "Ikusaba Mukuro! If you do that, I'll never forgive you! Do you want me to take them back?"

"I'm the Ultimate Soldier." Mukuro smirks, trying to play along. "I would like to see you try."

She doesn't like the mischievous look Sayaka is giving her in response. "But Mukuro-san," she murmurs, leaning forward a little, her voice suddenly a pitch lower. "Who said anything about taking them by force? Wouldn't you give them back to me if i asked really nicely?" She flips her hair and flutters her eyelashes.

Mukuro knows what Sayaka is trying to do of course, but it's as pointless as a fly knowing the spider is about to eat it when it's already caught in the web. "Um." She says, suddenly finding the floor very fascinating. She isn't the kind of person who blushes a whole lot, yet right now she's doing just that.

"The Ultimate Idol has her own tricks, you know?" Sayaka laughs and sits up straight again.

It's embarrassing to be played like this. Mukuro can't bring herself to see that as a bad thing right now though, not even when it makes her look like an idiot. She carefully puts both items into her own bag, lest she drops them or anything. Despite all her nervousness, she's actually feeling pretty happy. She's learned a few new things about Sayaka and even gets to listen to her songs on the idol's very own audio device later. She's far from done though.

"Hey, Sayaka-san." Mukuro says. It comes out as a little too shy, so she steels herself with determination. "Do you want to play Twenty Questions?"

 

-

 

About two hours later, Mukuro is laying horizontally on her bed, feeling like this Tuesday has been a very productive day. The game was definitely a success; and while she's sure she could have learned more about Sayaka, she tried her best to keep the questions simple and without any danger of possibly offending her in some way.

Sayaka adores cats and wants one for herself. She's determined to have her own place as soon as possible and get at least one cat, preferably one that is black and white. Possibly more than just one, judging from her horror when Mukuro revealed she hasn't ever petted a cat before. Well, she supposes cats are fine. If she lived with Sayaka, she wouldn't mind if there was a cat or two with them.

... Not that she'd entertain any embarrassing thoughts related to living with the idol, not at all.

Mukuro can't say she loves any animal, but she liked the trained wolves in Fenrir well enough. They were useful and good at following orders, though their usefulness was very limited. No wolf ever died during any maneuver she had performed... herself. It is something she feels just a tiny little bit proud of. She even respected them enough not to put them down during that whole purge thing, unlike some of her other so-called comrades -- they didn't deserve as much respect.

Another thing Sayaka likes is operetta, strangely enough. She was very passionate when explaining to Mukuro that it's completely different from opera. She still doesn't really get it, but Sayaka seemed to know what she was talking about. Operetta: good. Opera: bad. She can remember that.

Sayaka also loves chocolate, yet despises gummy candy. Mukuro doesn't care for either, though she does like the dark and bitter kind of chocolate once in a while. She prefers chewing gum, if that even counts as candy. Mints are fine too, she supposes. Sayaka has resolved herself to getting Mukuro to eat more candy, ignoring that it's not exactly a noble goal.

Sayaka enjoys crime shows, shopping, laser tag, painting her fellow idol members' nails, being quizzed on music history.

Sayaka dislikes bugs, puzzles, vinegar, boys hitting on her, being wrong when quizzed on music history.

Mukuro tries to imprint the knowledge into her brain. Wait, doesn't Junko occasionally eat salt and vinegar potato chips? Maybe she should always have some air freshener to spray onto herself with her just in case from now on. Bugs and boys hitting on Sayaka won't be a problem, Mukuro can get rid of both those things easily. And she's pretty sure she's never done a puzzle in her life. She doesn't know what to do about the last one, but doubts Sayaka getting a fact wrong about Mozart or whomever will be able to cause a big rift between them.

With the subject of music in her mind, Mukuro sits up and glances at her bag. She's kind of excited at the thought of listening to Sayaka's songs, with the girl's walkman and headphones no less. She takes both items out, puts on the headphones, and looks at the first song on the device.

 **Wish Ensemble** , is it? She plays it.

_**"Surely, Shooting Love Shooting Heart!"** _

An incredibly silly combination of words, but Mukuro still has to smile.

_**"Even higher, higher."** _

Even if she doesn't end up liking it, Sayaka's voice is lovely to listen to.

_**"My everyday life rushing around is filled with questions, anxiousness, and all these lies."** _

Mukuro is a little surprised. This doesn't seem like one of those lovey dovey songs they've both made a little fun of.

_**"In this world that has been sharpened out there's a nameless courage that rises within me."** _

It fits. From what Mukuro has learned of her friend, Sayaka does have a lot of courage. She has a lot of respect for that.

_**"Is the wish I confess to the stars in the night sky** _

_**Getting smaller, smaller as I become an adult?"** _

Mukuro wonders what wish is being sung of, but it'd be silly to just assume every lyric would fit the girl singing it. Still, there's something in Sayaka's voice...

_**"Rather than wearing someone else's boots, I want to run bare-footed."** _

Rather contrary to her expectations, Mukuro actually finds herself liking these lyrics.

_**"Everyone in the world has the power to shine."** _

Sayaka is certainly shining herself.

_**"Surely, Shooting Love Shooting Heart!"** _

It's such a cheesy line, but Sayaka has such a great voice she just makes it work. Mukuro is even feeling more excited than before. Is that the kind of ability someone with a title like Ultimate Idol has, or is it just her crush again?

_**"The prism I looked up at in the sky** _

_**Treads on the path that looks like it leads to my dream."** _

Mukuro will try to understand all these lyrics better later, for now she just wants to enjoy the sound of Sayaka's singing.

_**"Forever, Shooting Love Shooting Heart!"** _

Mukuro tentatively hums along. Just a little.

_**"To the future I had waited for.** _

_**Even higher, higher, I want to fly."** _

Mukuro wants to be in that future.

_**"Surely, Shooting Love Shooting Heart!"** _

Sayaka's voice is amazing. How has she never noticed that before?

_**"Even if it's a small egg now** _

_**It will fly high, high someday as a bird."** _

Are the other idol members singing too? Mukuro is unable to even notice.

_**"Forever, Shooting Love Shooting Heart!"** _

Mukuro feels her face heating up. She can't put into words how much she enjoys this ridiculous sounding song.

_**"To the future I had waited for.** _

_**Even higher, higher, I want to fly."** _

She will definitely listen to this song many more times.

_**"Twinkle Twinkle Little Star..."** _

The song ends. Mukuro pauses it before it can repeat.

"Sayaka-san." She says out loud for no particular reason, then pointlessly adds: "I love it. I love you." Saying that fills her with a strange, but pleasant sense of dizziness. "I love you, Sayaka-san. I love you." She repeats to herself like a mantra.

Mukuro sits up. She closes her eyes and plays the song again, imagining Sayaka in that pink and white idol outfit she looks so beautiful in. She imagines her singing to her personally on stage, offering her hand to Mukuro. She wouldn't hesitate to take it.

_**"Surely, Shooting Love Shooting Heart!"** _

With a happy smile on her blushing face, Mukuro pushes Sayaka's purple walkman to her chest like a lifeline.

Not long after, she quietly sings along.

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> At first i thought the idea of trained wolves in a mercenary organization was kinda ridiculous, but like, it's Danganronpa.
> 
> There will be some more stuff about what it means to be gay, but Mukuro was too distracted by gay feelings to consider it very much this time. It's, like, irony.
> 
> And, I'm sorry if some people might be put off by the abuse themes, but it's an important part of the story. I love Junko as a character, but wow is she awful.
> 
> Oh, oh, my girlfriend drew something amazing for me that inspired the last scene: https://inacron.tumblr.com/post/166551738526
> 
> It's a lovely piece of art, and fits perfectly.


End file.
